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Monday, March 1st, 2010 08:09 pm
The blame for this -- or credit, if you prefer -- belongs to [personal profile] aelfgyfu_mead, to whom the icon below belongs, and [personal profile] abyssinia, who wanted to see a fic written with this icon prompt. This is also a contribution to Round Three of [info]one_prompt: "Sometimes I think to myself, 'This is it... This is going to be the day we have a nice, sane, boring mission.'"

Summary: They were hoping to meet the Furlings. It would be nice to know which one was which. No spoilers, any season. 1,480 words. Rated G.

Warning: This is a crossover between SG-1 and The Muppet Show. Crackfic is pretty much a given. :) (I finished this when it's Purim in most of the world and it'll go live when it's Purim here in Jerusalem, so I find that highly appropriate!)

Since there are people out there who don't care for embedded clips, I have posted The Muppet Show segment in question in a separate entry over here.

This has now been podficced by [personal profile] colls, yay! Cover art at the end of the story.




Where the Future Is Being Made Today


They stepped out of the Stargate into humid dimness. Tangles of vines and creepers covered the ground, while looming trees overhead blocked most of the sunlight. Only the space directly in front of the Stargate was clear, courtesy of the kawhoosh.

As the Gate snapped shut behind them, the jungle sounds suddenly seemed very loud: the multitudinous hooting of birds, the rustling of leaves high above in the wind that couldn't reach them under the thick canopy of the trees, the distant roar of a beast stalking its prey somewhere in the distance. Jack supposed that it was a bit of a change from the usual forested planets, but he would have preferred a clearer view of what might lay ahead.

"All right, Daniel," he said, nodding at the vine-festooned pillar opposite the Stargate. "There's the reason why we came. Get to it. Carter, go give him a hand."

He noted a little sourly that he needn't have bothered giving those orders, because his two scientists already had their heads together, talking excitedly over one another's sentences as they donned heavy gloves to pull the vines away from the pillar. Exchanging a long-suffering look with Teal'c and getting an amused eyebrow in exchange, Jack set off to patrol the perimeter. The heavy scent of wet and warmth tickled his nose, and he found himself wiping sweat off his forehead before he'd gone a dozen paces.

A few minutes later, a sudden shout from Daniel brought him running back, P-90 already aiming at... the pillar?

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" Daniel was nearly dancing in place. "It's Furling, Jack!"

"What is?"

"This!" Daniel gestured wildly at the incised shapes on the pillar, now visible after he and Sam had cleared the vines away. "It's definitely Furling!"

"Oh, great," Jack groused. "So much for a boring mission."

"What?" Daniel blinked at him.

"What?" Jack frowned.

"Why is Furling script a problem, sir?" Sam clarified diplomatically.

"It's not! Who said it was a problem?"

"You did," Daniel snapped.

"Didn't," Jack denied.

"Did."

"Didn't!"

"You did indeed, O'Neill," Teal'c pointed out calmly. He had stepped closer to the pillar, too, and was now peering at the maligned script with interest.

"No, I have nothing against Furlings," Jack insisted. "Not that we've met them. But hey, any buddy of Thor's is a buddy of mine and all that." Daniel's brows looked remarkably skeptical, and Jack added a little sheepishly, "It's just that sometimes I think to myself, 'This is going to be the day we have a nice, sane, boring mission.' I thought this might be it. I mean, hieroglyphs, jungle, how bad could it be?"

"Oh, come on, sir," Sam snorted. "You'd be bored stiff if we really had a boring mission."

Jack opened his mouth to retort, then stopped. "Okay. Yeah. True enough."

"I do not think SG-1 has actually experienced a boring mission before this," Teal'c mused. "I am unsure if we would recognize one if it actually happened."

"So far, despite the Furling thing, I'd say this qualified," Jack pointed out hopefully.

He realized later that it was pretty stupid of him to say that, because at that precise moment, a creature suddenly appeared across the narrow clearing. There was no sign or warning: no flash of an Asgard transporter, no whine of a ring platform, nothing . A second before, their clearing had been exclusively inhabited by SG-1; now, there was... someone else.

"Um," Jack said.

"Huh," Sam agreed.

"That's..." Daniel started, then trailed off.

"Indeed," Teal'c chimed in.

Huge, terror-stricken, googly eyes stared at them from beneath a mop of tangled red hair. Beneath an elongated nose, its mouth seemed drawn into a perpetual grimace of horror. Oddly, it was clad in something that resembled an ordinary lab coat, with a blue plaid shirt and navy tie.

"Er, hello," Daniel said, essaying a smile and stepping forward. "We're peaceful explorers from the planet Earth."

The creature cringed back. "Meep!" it squeaked.

Daniel blinked. "Meep," he repeated carefully. "Is that -- is that 'hello' in Furling? You're a Furling, right? We've been waiting to meet you for a long time."

"Mee mee mee!" it whimpered, backing towards the closest tree. Then it whipped around and gaped in terror as a shape uncoiled itself from a low-lying branch. "Mee!"

The Furling, if that's what it was, flung itself away from the hissing snake and huddled in the center of the clearing, muttering its litany over and over again. As it wrapped its arms around its knees, its trouser legs rode up to reveal striped socks.

"Well," Jack finally said. "Daniel?"

Daniel licked his lips. "I'm not... there's not much I can do with a single syllable," he admitted.

"Are we sure he's a Furling?" Sam wondered.

"He doesn't look very Furlingish," Jack said critically.

"He did transport to this clearing," Teal'c observed. "That suggests advanced technology."

"They must be even more advanced than the Asgard, sir. That flash of light that we see from an Asgard transportation beam is actually residual energy leakage. But this --" Sam gestured at the thing that was still mumbling "mee mee mee" under its breath. "No waste. It just appeared!"

"Yeah, but who sent him here? Who says this guy is the Furling?" Jack rocked back on his heels and considered the whimpering creature. "It's not like he looks very happy to be here."

Daniel's brows shot up, and he rubbed at his nose. "Are you suggesting the Furlings just transport people at random, Jack?"

"Are you suggesting that this meep guy is a Furling?" Jack shot back.

"It makes just as much sense as --"

Another creature suddenly bounded into the clearing with an enthusiastic ook! It ignored SG-1 and made a beeline for the creature on the ground, which squealed even louder and tried to scramble out of the way. Bemused, the team watched in fascinated silence as the newcomer wrapped its arms around the hysterical guy in the labcoat, punctuating its every movement with loud ooks.

"Maybe that's the Furling," Jack said after a while.

"Mee mee mee mee!"

Daniel turned with an incredulous stare. "It's a gorilla, Jack!"

"A sort of... parody of a gorilla," Sam amended crictically.

"Ook! Ook ook ook ook!"

"Okay, yes, it looks like a gorilla about as much as our friend Meep here looks human," Daniel conceded. "But really, Jack, you think the Furlings look like that?"

"It's got fur," Jack said stubbornly.

"Meep!"

"We have no evidence that the etymology of 'Furling' has anything to do with fur. In fact, the odds are against any --"

"Don't be so human-centric, Daniel," Sam teased. "Just look at the Asgard. And the Nox, with their hair."

"Oook!"

"Gorillas are very intelligent, I'll grant you, but that doesn't mean it's a Furling!" Daniel's face was set at maximum stubbornness.

Teal'c canted his head thoughtfully to one side. "I am unsure if either one of them is Furling," he said. "It is unlikely that the Furling language consists of a single syllable, particularly one that is indistinguishable from the cries of a gorilla."

"What about Meep, then?" Daniel challenged.

Teal'c raised an eyebrow in disdain. "If that creature is a Furling," he declared, "then perhaps we now know why the alliance of the Four Races was dissolved."

Daniel started to protest this, then stopped short when the creatures he'd dubbed Meep abruptly disappeared, taking the possibly-gorilla with it.

For a long moment, no one moved or spoke.

"That's it?" Jack finally said.

"It must have teleported again," Sam suggested.

"With no warning. And that Furling went with it."

"The gorilla, Jack!"

"Gorilla, Furling, it makes no difference." Jack's expression had changed; he was all business now. "If things are getting teleported out of this clearing, it's too dangerous to stick around. Dial it up, Daniel."

"But Jack!"

"Daniel!"

"What about the pillar? I can just film the --"

"Now, Daniel!"

"Fine!" Daniel shot him one last murderous glare before stomping to the DHD. Sam gave the pillar a final wistful glance of her own before following Daniel, ready to type in the GDO code as soon as the Stargate opened. Teal'c hung back to guard their backs from any last-minute threats.

When the wormhole formed and Sam gave the all-clear signal, Jack waved the two of them forward. Just as the two of them vanished into the Stargate, another creature suddenly popped into existence. It immediately started yelling, waving webbed fists at the canopy of trees overhead. Its words made no sense in context, but at least they were multi-syllabic -- and definitely in what appeared to be modern English.

"Honeydew!" it howled. "You insane scientist!"

"O'Neill!" Teal'c warned.

Jack didn't even turn. "We're leaving, Teal'c."

"I'll have you fired!"

"Do you not wish to question the talking green frog, O'Neill?"

"No!" Jack snapped, and stalked into the wormhole.




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Monday, March 1st, 2010 10:34 pm (UTC)
It makes sense! And that's the scary part.
Monday, March 1st, 2010 11:58 pm (UTC)
AHA HAHAHA!!!! Muppet love! Dr. Honeydew would have waaaay too much fun at Area 51. :D