fignewton: (humor)
Fig Newton ([personal profile] fignewton) wrote2009-03-01 01:05 pm

Happy birthday, Kalquessa!

Happy (belated) birthday to Kalquessa, who granted me my benevolent dictatrix status and is the most squeeful addition to my flist. I hope your day was as delightful and warm and funny as you are yourself! :)

The crackiness beneath the cut is not fic. It's a birthday note of sorts, set in late S7, because Kalquessa and very silly grins go automatically hand-in-hand.

Er. You do live in California, right?

And if someone doesn't get the point... well. It's for Kalquessa. Keep that in mind. :)


KALQUESSA

"Kree!"

Automatically, the team swung into action. They couldn't bring their most powerful weapons off-base, off course. Even Jack, who never went anywhere unarmed, had only brought a discreet pistol with him to a picnic outing at the park in the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo. But Sam and Daniel ducked under some bushes, sharing cover with a trio of offended pink flamingos, while Teal'c and Jack fell back against the gnarled trunk of a spreading oak. Tense and ready, they waited to see what would happen next.

"Loved it, guys!" called an all-too-familiar voice, even if it seemed a bit more higher-pitched than usual. "I give it a 8.5."

Quick reactions spared the four members of SG-1 from blurting anything incriminating aloud. Instead, they shared three eye rolls, two raised brows, four grimaces, a quick hand signal or two, and one collective sigh.

"Unbelievable," Jack muttered, and he rose to his feet just as the annoying figure of a younger Jack O'Neill sauntered into the clearing, whistling off-key.

"Excellent!" his clone exclaimed, making a beeline for the cooler under the tree. "I'm dying for a beer." He grabbed a can and nodded at each adult in turn. "Daniel. T. Carter. Jack." He beamed as obnoxiously as possible. "How're you all doing?"

Sam brushed some flamingo feathers out of her hair and eased between the glowering colonel and the smirking teenager. "It's nice to see you and all," she told the carbon copy of her CO with fixed politeness, "but I think we'd appreciate a little explanation."

"Something to explain that kree, too. I'm sure that Jack here is going to share that with us. Now," Daniel added, his voice layered with that dangerous sweetness that any incarnation of Jack O'Neill could recognize as potentially deadly. Teal'c loomed benignly behind him, but with that particular head tilt that suggested that the loom could turn menacing whenever he felt like it.

"Actually, the kree thing was just to make you jump," clone!Jack cheerfully admitted. "I do need your help, though. Cheese elves and attack penguins. The very future of the planet is probably at stake." He paused for a moment, considering, then added, "Well, maybe not the planet. But California at the very least."

[identity profile] rdamel.livejournal.com 2009-03-01 02:51 pm (UTC)(link)
Hilarious!

And a very happy birthday to Kalquessa--I hope it was lovely. This story will no doubt make you grin.

Melissa M.
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[identity profile] sg-fignewton.livejournal.com 2009-03-02 06:17 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you! And I do indeed hope it makes her grin. :)
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[identity profile] sg-fignewton.livejournal.com 2009-03-02 06:21 am (UTC)(link)
Yay! :)

[identity profile] sg-betty.livejournal.com 2009-03-01 04:35 pm (UTC)(link)
Okay, I can get my head around an attack penguin, but cheese elves... What the heck is a cheese elf? Very funny! And happy birthday Kalquessa!
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[identity profile] sg-fignewton.livejournal.com 2009-03-02 06:22 am (UTC)(link)
I'm sorry, but you'll have to take that up with Kalquessa herself. I have no idea either! :)

Glad you liked it, either way.

[identity profile] kalquessa.livejournal.com 2009-03-03 07:59 pm (UTC)(link)
Heh, my username is an attempt at Elvish but it makes people think of the Spanish word for cheese. One time a good LJ friend's husband was asking about me and couldn't remember my real name or exactly how to say my username, so he ended up calling me "the Cheese Elf" which made me and my friend laugh. It sort of stuck as a weird nickname.

[identity profile] sg-betty.livejournal.com 2009-03-03 08:01 pm (UTC)(link)
Heh, all is explained. There is something intrinsically funny about 'cheese elf'... ;)
ext_2131: picture of a fish with lots of green (Default)

[identity profile] holdouttrout.livejournal.com 2009-03-01 04:46 pm (UTC)(link)
*snickers* I like it.
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[identity profile] sg-fignewton.livejournal.com 2009-03-02 06:22 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you! :)
bluemeridian: Blue sky with fluffy white clouds through a break in the tree tops (Default)

[personal profile] bluemeridian 2009-03-02 04:02 am (UTC)(link)
♥ ♥
ladyjane: whipped cream and hand-cuffs. "Got Plans?" (Default)

[personal profile] ladyjane 2009-03-02 04:16 am (UTC)(link)
*squeeee* Cheese elves, attack penguins, who cares! We got Clone!Jack! *tackles*
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[identity profile] sg-fignewton.livejournal.com 2009-03-02 06:23 am (UTC)(link)
Yes, clone!Jack snark is always good! :)

Also, your melting-into-a-puddle-of-good icon is adorable.

[identity profile] kalquessa.livejournal.com 2009-03-03 07:56 pm (UTC)(link)
Bweeeeee! Fig, I can't believe I missed this! This is of the awesome!! *hugs crackficlet forever*
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[identity profile] sg-fignewton.livejournal.com 2009-03-03 08:00 pm (UTC)(link)
Hee! Well, if you would have a longer LJ nick, you could've had a longer ficlet... ;)

But yay for clone!Jack, just the same!