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crevanfox, who asked for "SG-1 deals with the Twilight phenomenon." Mind you, I had to visit wiki for this... :) Please be advised that in my version of the SG-1 universe, the books were published several years earlier than they were in our quantum reality. Personally, I'm blaming it on Marty Lloyd. ;)
Summary: "Twilight isn't proof of a fracture in the space-time continuum? Are you sure?" G. ~735 words. Takes place a few weeks after Moebius, with minor spoilers for that episode.
The Twilight Zone
Sam, Teal'c, and Daniel didn't even bother to look up when the door to Sam's lab slammed open. There was only one person on base who barged in like that.
"Carter!"
"Yes, sir?" Sam said absently, even as she delicately manipulated a datacard with a pair of tweezers.
"Carter, we messed up the timeline. We have to use the timeship again to fix it."
"No, we don't, sir." Sam smiled at the satisfying snick as the datacard slotted into place, and turned to face Jack. "We already decided that a few fish in your pond aren't worth the risk."
"But this is much more important!"
"Jack, there is no timeline in which the Cubs won the World Series in '89," Daniel warned.
"Oh, there's definitely a timeline where that happened, Daniel," Sam disagreed. "There has to be."
They all looked at her.
"Statistically speaking," she insisted, although a note of defensiveness had crept into her tone.
Jack waved his hands. "Will you all just stop and listen to me! This isn't about the Cubs!"
"That will be a most refreshing change, O'Neill," Teal'c observed.
Jack glared at him, and merely got an ironic eyebrow in return.
"So, sir, if this isn't about the fish..."
"Again," Daniel muttered under his breath.
"...and this isn't about the Cubs..."
"Again," Daniel sighed.
"...then what is it, sir?" The words this time hovered in the air, unspoken but clearly understood.
"Mythology has changed!" Jack said triumphantly.
Daniel snorted. "So, the change in the timeline is that you recognize that? Please!"
"Daniel Jackson, that would truly be a serious alteration of reality."
"Very funny. I'm telling you, it's different!" Jack shuddered. "It's weird."
"Sir, I've explained this to you before. If the timeline had changed, we wouldn't actually know."
"What aspect of mythology do you think has changed, Jack?" Daniel was wearing his "humor Jack" expression, which was deliberately calculated to be as annoying as possible.
"Vampires," Jack snapped. "Vampires are supposed to be creatures of the night that stalk people and drink blood, right?"
"Well, the modern mythos is based on Bram Stoker's Dracula, but Stoker swiped the name from Wallachia's Vlad the Impaler, who was probably -"
"Ah! Daniel!" Jack held up a warning finger. "I don't care about that part! Just - vampires are supposed to be scary and creepy, right?"
Teal'c frowned slightly. "I do not believe that aspect of mythology has changed, O'Neill. I distinctly recall the creatures featured on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and they were indeed very -"
"Actually, traditional mythology has no real consensus for how vampires look, Jack. Descriptions ranged all over the place, depending on the country of origin. They weren't exactly -"
"But not sparkly, I assume?"
Daniel automatically opened his mouth to argue, then closed it. "Ah - not that I recall, no..."
"See?" Jack slapped a hand down on lab bench.
"Sir, you haven't actually seen any, uh, sparkly vampires around, have you?" Sam considered for a moment, then added, "Or any other kind?"
"Hammond conned me into taking Tessa and Kayla to a movie last night." Jack shuddered in recollection. "And it was all about sparkly vampires. I'm telling you, it was creepier than Zipacna in his Chiquita hat!"
"Oh!" Enlightenment sparked in Sam's eyes. "You saw Twilight."
"Twilight?" repeated Teal'c and Daniel, more or less simultaneously.
"Yeah, Cassie told me about it. It's the latest fangirl craze, apparently. A series of books that got made into a movie."
"About sparkly vampires?" Daniel drew his brows together.
"Well, yes." Sam shrugged. "There's no accounting for some tastes."
Jack was looking ever more horrified than before. "Do you mean to tell me that someone actually wrote a series of books about sparkly vampires, and the timeline didn't need to be changed to make that happen?" he demanded.
Sam stifled a grin. "Sorry, sir."
"Twilight isn't proof of a fracture in the space-time continuum?"
"Nope."
Jack's voice turned plaintive. "Are you sure?"
"Sorry, sir," Sam said again, no longer trying to hide her smile.
Jack scowled. "That's just sick."
Daniel chuckled and got to his feet. "Cheer up, Jack," he advised. "It could be worse. Imagine if someone based a movie on those freak weather patterns that were set off when Maybourne's goons stole the Touchstone..."
Jack stared at him. So did Sam. So did Teal'c, although his disbelieving stare was tempered by pity.
Daniel blinked at them, utterly clueless. "...What?"
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(and you have no idea how much that hurts right now...but it's worth it!)
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LOL.
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*fails*
*laughs more*
*sucks in tiny breath between giggles and guffaws*
That. was. brilliant.
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Sparkly vampires... I bow down to your awesomeness... !
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Thank you for this, I got quite a good laugh out of it. *g*
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Glad you liked!
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Jack scowled. "That's just sick."
ROFLMAO
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I haven't been in a movie theater in the last ten years, but looked up which movies would have been playing by the end of S8. The reference is to "The Day After Tomorrow." Whether or not the Statue of Liberty got stuck in a glacier is a question for someone else. ;)
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Sam stifled a grin. "Sorry, sir."
"Twilight isn't proof of a fracture in the space-time continuum?"
"Nope."
Jack's voice turned plaintive. "Are you sure?"
"Sorry, sir," Sam said again, no longer trying to hide her smile.
Jack scowled. "That's just sick."
ZOMG, the funny!!!!! I laughed so hard I started coughing again...which was not so funny, but so worth it! You are a snarky snarky woman!
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There are lots and lots of movies I haven't seen. I'm just as happy that way, I think!
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Oh, Daniel, I'm afraid you're in for a weekend-long movie marathon starting with Twister and ending with The Day After Tomorrow... (Jack, of course, will attempt to slide Wizard of Oz in there because of the tornado.)
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And hee, yes, I can just see Jack pulling out every tornado movie that exists... with Wizard of Oz getting top billing, natch. :)
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Jack is always so much fun when he's freaking out about something!
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That Teal'c adds pity to his stare is icing on a very nice devil's food cake.
But best line...it was creepier than Zipacna in his Chiquita hat. (Although I always felt there was sort of a Gilligan's Island touch in that hat.)
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Glad you liked it!
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And I'm glad you liked the Zipacna line, because I liked it quite a bit, too. :)
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Glad you liked!
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And yes, they do it on purpose, don't they? :D
Thanks!
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... But part of me still believes that Jack is right, and the popularity of Twilight really does indicate some sort of fracture in the fabric of the universe.
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Eh, you may be right. But Sam still won't let Jack try...
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