Redial the Gate: Grace

[fignewton]

Sadly, I did not have time to rewatch Grace for this week's redial_the_gate. So before I go and read zinke's recap, here are a few random thoughts of my own:

1. I love how Sam hallucinates each member of the team: Teal'c watching her six and urging caution, Daniel suggesting she try to communicate and think outside the box, Jack making her think like a soldier and get moving. Just lovely.

2. My absolutely favorite aspect of all this is Sam's apparent conviction that Daniel is a shameless flirt. Those fluttering eyelashes make me grin every time. :)

3. As a gen girl, Grace is about Sam coming to terms with what she wants. I've always wondered how Jack/Sam fans see it. Care to share?

Here are my own thoughts on Sam and shipping, pretty much cribbed from an old entry/comment of mine that I can't find at the moment: Sam will never -- could never -- be happy with the white picket fence and 2.4 kids. That's not to say it's a wrong dream for someone to have, but it's the wrong dream for Sam. She loves Out There too much to ever truly settle down. OTOH, feminist ideals aside, there's a part of her that still has the white picket fence dream and wishes it could be real for her.

So she tries Jonas and that fails. Whether it's because he's too lunatic fringe (canon) or he expects her to give up her career (reasonable extrapolation from his behavior in canon) or a combination of both, that ends disastrously. She still has the dream, but it hasn't worked out -- and a large part of her unconsciously wants to make sure it'll never happen and get in the way of her real dreams of being Out There.

So she plays it safe. At the beginning, "safe" actually means Daniel, who is the antithesis of Jonas Hanson, has that Wonder Twin brilliance and connection with her, and -- most importantly -- is married. There's a lot of S1-2 Sam and Daniel interaction that comes very close to flirting if you look at it with the right glasses on (I do dislike the "if you squint" term). Daniel is comforting, challenging, attractive... and completely unavailable, Sha're's absence notwithstanding. Sam can relax around him without concern of misconceptions leading where she doesn't want to go.

Then Sha're dies, and Daniel struggles through the aftermath, and suddenly he's officially single and dangerously available. And it's about that time that we suddenly see less Sam and Daniel interaction, although what we do see is still friendly. To me, this is Sam seeing Daniel as now unsafe, and she shifts the flirting aspect to Jack -- single, yes, but officially out-of-bounds. They've admired each other mutually for over three years now; she knows he's attractive: his appearance, his skills, his morals, his viewpoints. She trusts him, and knows she can do a little flirting and be assured of nothing but friendliness in return. (Think how huge that trust must be for Sam, compared with the chip on her shoulder when she and Jack first meet.)

So Jack-as-safe lasts for several years, until this episode and her epiphany that if she does want to find true happiness, she has to stop playing it safe. This doesn't mean making a play for Jack, who is safe because he is impossible -- fraternization rules, what changing personnel would do to the team dynamic, the unhappy reality of it always being the woman at fault to outsiders in this kind of scenario. So she decides, by the end of Grace, to try to have her cake and eat it too: to keep Out There, which she can never abandon, but try for some version of the white picket fence at the same time.

Enter Pete. I won't discuss the "Stalker Pete" thing here, because there are a dozen ways to interpret his actions and they all boil down to what attitude the viewer carries into the ep in the first place. Nor will I discuss how easily Pete is brought into the SGC's secrets, because that's a meta for Chimera. But with the status quo of Pete in the know, he seems to be the perfect answer for Sam: bright, funny, a little irreverent (Sam needs that contrast), a good person with dedication to serving others. Things move relatively slowly for Stargate's usual full-speed-ahead on relationships; it's a full year from our first encounter with Pete (which is clearly some time after Sam first meets him) until they get engaged.

But then things start to unravel, because the white picket fence dream is suddenly a little too real and starts to interfere with Out There, which will always and forever be Sam's first love. And it's Sam slow realization that the white picket fence can never work for her that leads to breaking things off with Pete.

Do I think that's the way it has to be for every person on SG-1? To be honest, no. I love that Dixon and Wells have families, and Bill Lee has kids. sixbeforelunch wrote a fic that I loved which gave Mitchell a wife, and it worked. But I do think that once the team dynamic status quo has been established, it's nearly impossible for Sam or Jack or Daniel to become involved with anyone else -- they know each other better than many married couples, and how do you bring an outsider into that? -- and that the team itself means too much to them to risk involvement with one another.

Hey, I said it's a gen girl theory here. :) I would love to hear dissenting opinions.

4. One final observation: they used Sam's hallucination of Jack in the "previouslies" for Threads. This is on a par with showing the Stargate activating in Reckoning on a planet from FIAD that didn't actually exist. Oh, show. :) :)

Comments

[abyssinia]

I think the recap does a pretty good job of showing you a shipper's view of things.

I think my view on the whole thing is pretty similar to yours. I really do think Sam and Daniel were flirting a lot early on (heck, those two in the first few seasons were the first time I EVER shipped anybody in any show) and I think Sam really was honestly attracted and interested (also, he appeared to be everything Jonas wasn't), but respected that he wasn't available. By the time Sha're had died and enough time had passed that it wouldn't be weird, I think Sam and Daniel's relationship had settled into something else that was both more comfortable/confident and yet, less flirty - like they almost waited too long. Plus, at that point, Daniel was getting increasingly antsy and dissatisfied with his life. By then Sam had failed with Martouf and Orlin and that Tollana guy and she was falling hard for her work AND getting more comfortable with herself and who she was and her role in her job and with being female in her workspace, and feeling less like she needed what society claimed would make her happy.

I think Jack was the safe thing - the person she admired a lot (and he was totally a mentor for her) and cared about a lot and wasn't hard on the eyes but not someone she actually wanted to date or felt like it would be a good idea. But if she kept burning the candle for someone who was never going ot happen, she could continue pretending she was looking for what society thought she was supposed to want, and put that aside to dive into the life she really enjoyed.

But I think by Grace part of her was feeling lonely and having second thoughts. I see it as the kick in the pants of really admitting to herself how she's been using the idea of Jack and finally letting it go and taking that confidence to get out and explore life a bit more. All of her team members have been married and, more or less, had children and she can't shake the feeling that she's missing something out of life. I think there's something to Pepper's feeling of the fear of being alone. I know, personally, a few years back I slipped on the stairs doing laundry and I remember, as I was lying there trying to get my breath back and figure out if I was seriously hurt, it was pretty horrifying to realize that if I was hurt I'd be lying there for at least 2 days before anyone noticed. It's nice/safe/comfortable to have someone who would notice if you didn't come home one night.

[pepper]

It's really amusing me that you and Fig are seeing a relationship where I see something as completely gen. *g* I never noticed any flirting between Sam and Daniel - although I'm sure I could go back and find some if I tried. I do think they had (have) a fantastically close relationship, though.

And, yeah - maybe not specifically the kidnapping incident, but it can be hard to be alone, even for someone as workaholic as Sam, with the close relationships she already has in her life. People even stay in bad relationships because of that simple fear. Sam's career makes it awfully difficult for someone to fit into her life if they aren't already there. And dating people at the SGC must be complicated for other reasons.

[abyssinia]

It surprised the heck out of me. I'm not naturally a shipper and I've never had the experience of watching something and thinking "X and Y should get together" - only ever had opinions on relationships which were blatantly canon, and even then never cared that much. Then I started watching SG-1 and sometime around early season 2 or so realized the depths of my brain were thinking Very Strong Thoughts about how much Sam and Daniel clearly loved each other and how great they'd be for each other and how they should totally get together. And there's tons of moments - they aren't the obvious loooooong stares or tongue-tiedness sort of thing I feel like I see S/J people talk about. It starts as early as the "I knew I'd like you" and his smile when she figured out the temple of gate addresses. It's the way he brings her flowers after Jolinar or waits outside the room with Cassie and the way they have an easy comradery and geek-off each other and get excited working together (like on the crystal in Cold Lazarus). It's a different sort of flirting - the kind when neither of them really realizes they're doing it.

Sam's career makes it awfully difficult for someone to fit into her life if they aren't already there.

*nods* Even though she really is happy and content with where she's ended up, there will always be that niggling curiosity of whether the grass is greener - and in this case the societal pressure to get that thing society says she is supposed to want. Plus, by this time in the series, she's hitting her mid-30s, which means she's getting closer to the time when she can't have kids anymore, if she wants them and it's part of that war I think Sam has always had in trying to balance who she is with who she wants to be and who the rest of the world wants her to be.

[pepper]

It's funny, I remember all the moments you mention, I thought they were great, but they never made me feel shippy towards Sam/Daniel. *shrug*

Even though she really is happy and content with where she's ended up, there will always be that niggling curiosity of whether the grass is greener

Yes, exactly. And like you say, with the added pressure for women to hurry up and make a decision before it's too late, and sometimes it's so hard to know whether kids are something you actually want or whether it's something you've been brought up to think you should want (um, hello, my issues). Unfortunately, it's not really something you can try out and decide you don't want after all thanks very much. And Sam's only human, she wants cuddles and sex and someone to take out the garbage as much as the next person.

[abyssinia]

It's funny, I remember all the moments you mention, I thought they were great, but they never made me feel shippy towards Sam/Daniel. *shrug*

That's how I feel 95% of the time I see S/J people going on about a specific scene or the supposed "S/J theme music" or whatever - a great big "huh" and "that's not the scene I thought I was watching" and the other 5% I roll my eyes because it seemed like this awkward OOC moment the S/J-inclined producer/director was trying to force us to believe. Oddly, I feel like J/D shippers notice S/J scenes more than I do.

And Sam's only human, she wants cuddles and sex and someone to take out the garbage as much as the next person.

Exactly! There's a reason Raqs' "Unreasonable" is totally 100% canon for me. It hits all that square on the head - the tug between liking what she has and missing what she doesn't. And, yeah, on all the issues.

[fignewton]

::grins:: I don't see a relationship at all - I see a comfortable, somewhat flirty friendship that Sam saw as safe and that Daniel categorized as fellow Wonder Twin rather than attractive female (although he certainly noticed she was attractive!)

It goes back to my take on Fallen, when Daniel asks Sam if there had ever been anything between them, and Sam is so taken aback, and then Daniel decides to come. To me, that is Daniel recognizing this huge wave of affection for this strange woman and assuming that they must have had a relationship. And when Sam is so honestly surprised, Daniel realizes that no, it wasn't a physical relationship, but they loved each other anyway. And the thought of such a deep connection was so intoxicating that he picked up his bag and dared to walk into the unknown.

(why yes, I wrote this into a ficlet, why do you ask?)

Sam's career makes it awfully difficult for someone to fit into her life if they aren't already there. And dating people at the SGC must be complicated for other reasons.

::nods:: I'm not suggesting there's a good solution, either. Poor SG-1. Too closely intertwined to even remember what a normal social life is supposed to be like!

[fignewton]

I think Sam really was honestly attracted and interested (also, he appeared to be everything Jonas wasn't), but respected that he wasn't available. By the time Sha're had died and enough time had passed that it wouldn't be weird, I think Sam and Daniel's relationship had settled into something else that was both more comfortable/confident

Yes, this is EXACTLY how I see early Sam and Daniel, with the added caveat that despite the occasional flirtiness, I think Sam treasured that Daniel treated her a person and fellow scientist first and a woman next. With all the reactions Sam has to deal with on a daily basis, that kind of attitude is too precious for her to upset the balance.

I think Jack was the safe thing - the person she admired a lot (and he was totally a mentor for her) and cared about a lot and wasn't hard on the eyes but not someone she actually wanted to date or felt like it would be a good idea.

Exactly, yes. And your take on Grace here too - tired of dreaming and wanting the real thing (and good point that the others have all been married).

I think there's something to Pepper's feeling of the fear of being alone.

I wasn't disagreeing with that, just disagreeing with the idea that it shows a lack of connection with the team. Kidnapping emergencies aside, there are times when as much as you love a person, you need some PERSONAL SPACE. :)

[abyssinia]

I think Sam treasured that Daniel treated her a person and fellow scientist first and a woman next.

I agree with that entirely and I think that was unquestionably a part of the connection - he didn't ask her to prove herself and he didn't make assumptions based on what she looked like. I'd also argue that getting together wouldn't necessarily change that attitude.

I wasn't disagreeing with that, just disagreeing with the idea that it shows a lack of connection with the team. Kidnapping emergencies aside, there are times when as much as you love a person, you need some PERSONAL SPACE. :)

I didn't see Pepper saying it shows a lack of connection with the team, just a feeling that there's something missing from her life and while the team fills certain holes, they don't fill them all. And you can have personal space and still have someone who would notice you disappeared before two days passed, you know?

[fignewton]

I'd also argue that getting together wouldn't necessarily change that attitude.

No argument from me. I have no problem with people who ship Sam/Daniel - there's certainly less in the way than there is for Sam/Jack. It's just not seen through my personal gen goggles, that's all.

Regarding the "disappeared for two days" thing, I think we're getting a bit mired down in it. Pepper did cite it as evidence that the team might have been less close at that point, which I don't agree with; she also says, as you do, that it's a feeling that there's something missing from her life and while the team fills certain holes, they don't fill them all. And that I do agree with. :)

And you can have personal space and still have someone who would notice you disappeared before two days passed, you know?

Heh, yes, fair enough. Although I do think that the NID planned that abduction pretty carefully and deliberately chose a moment when she would be missed for two days.

[pepper]

Pepper did cite it as evidence that the team might have been less close at that point,

Aha! No, that's not what I meant (although I see how it reads that way). I meant that, as close as she might or might not be with her teammates, she didn't have someone waiting for her at home. She was (I felt) feeling a little alone in a way that wasn't really about her relationship with the guys.

[fignewton]

See? All a silly misunderstanding from beginning to end! :D

She was (I felt) feeling a little alone in a way that wasn't really about her relationship with the guys.

I can see that POV, yes.